In this episode, I talk with Matthew—my friend, a former organizer, a religious order sampler (references below), and someone who, like me, lives in that strange, sacred space between deep religious roots and radical institutional reimagination.
We explore what it means to still be shaped by the Church even after you’ve walked away from some of its teachings. We talk about burnout, rethinking vocation, and how sacred work doesn't always look like ministry in a formal sense—but can still be holy.
Episode Breakdown
⏳ 05:00 – Being a leftist and a believer
Matthew reflects on organizing, activism, and how leftist values and faith intersect. We talk about holding reverence while pushing for revolution, and what happens when ministry doesn’t look like ministry.
⏳ 11:24 – Faith upbringing
Growing up deeply Catholic, Matthew was shaped by various orders—Franciscans, Dominicans, Jesuits, and Augustinians—and we explore how that legacy still informs his worldview.
⏳ 18:45 – Faith and doubt
We enter the thick of it—grappling with doubt, grief, and how faith evolves when the institution no longer fits.
⏳ 21:53 – "Catholic-ish": a critical yet embracing approach
We discuss the tension between critique and embrace of the church and its institutions, striving to find balance in faith and service.
⏳ 26:53 – What does sacred uncertainty mean to you?
We close with reflections on the beauty of not knowing and on doubt as devotion.
A Psalm according to Matthew
“Silence is the language of God; everything else is a poor mistranslation.”
I lament to that which is beyond the stars.
Oh, farther than everything. Oh, farther than everything.
I, in the valley of death, pour out my grief to You
so that You, O God, may hold it—
in your cosmic hands,
stained with the clay You molded into life,
in Your blood-stained hands, nailed to a cross,
and in Your Spirit, in which Your hands are me.
“Silence is the language of God; everything else is a poor mistranslation.”
You, oh farther than everything
Who formed the cosmos, dotted the very stars in the sky,
breathed life into creation and deemed it all so good.
You loved all this so good so much
You came down to live it all so deeply.
You knew the sweet taste of wine,
the warm touch of another,
the love of people in your life, and the grief of it all ending.
You even lamented in Gethsemane, a life lived with so much love you did not want it to end.
You grieved.
I would call no other King.
“Silence is the language of God; everything else is a poor mistranslation.”
“What is grief if not love persevering?”
You who made us with such capacity to love and such capacity to persevere and we make so much grief out of it all.
I remind myself that grief is the price of love
and we were made to love deeply.
Grief is the scars of Your daring congregation.
Your marks of creation shine through in our Joy and our Pain.
Truly “where can I go from your presence” O’Lord?
“Silence is the language of God; everything else is a poor mistranslation.”
“Beneath every O’Lord, there are many Here I am”.
You, oh farther than everything, reside in my heart.
Hell is when hearts are closed. Where out of fear of grief,
people have forsake love of any and everything to never feel pain again.
I do not know if I believe in “damnation” but a closed heart, a life afraid of love,
sounds too close for comfort. So I am making a journey,
the most sacred of pilgrimages back to the Holy Land of my heart.
Though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no grief, for you are with me.
You have anointed my mind with oil, you have comforted my body and you have called my soul.
Surely I shall dwell in love
forever, for it is the house of the Lord.
You built that house in my heart and I know You dwell there forever.
I will Praise You by loving deeply, by living deeply.
And when necessary grieving deeply.
“Silence is the language of God; everything else is a poor mistranslation.”
Resources
Franciscans- Rooted in the life of St. Francis of Assisi, the Franciscans emphasize simplicity, care for the poor, and deep connection with creation.
✶ Fun fact: St. Francis is known for his deep love for animals and nature, even preaching to birds and other creatures, seeing them as his "brothers and sisters" in creation.
Dominicans- Known as the Order of Preachers, Dominicans value intellectual inquiry, preaching, and truth-seeking grounded in love.
✶ Fun fact: The Dominican order’s symbol includes a dog holding a torch, representing St. Dominic's mission to spread the "fire" of truth through preaching.
Jesuits- Founded by St. Ignatius of Loyola, the Jesuits focus on education, social justice, and spiritual discernment through practices like the Examen.
✶ Fun fact: Jesuit priests are known for their strong commitment to education, founding prestigious universities around the world, including Georgetown University in Washington, D.C.
Augustinians- Inspired by the writings of St. Augustine, this order values community life, interior reflection, and the search for truth in love.
✶ Fun fact: The Augustinians are the founding order of Villanova University, where their commitment to truth, unity, and love shapes the campus’s spiritual and intellectual life.
Share this post